Why this Blog?!

Gar and me, Positano, Italy 2012

It happens to all of us, eventually!  We find that special someone, date enthusiastically, get engaged, plan a lovely wedding, get married, honeymoon and settle rather easily into domestic bliss.  Suddenly, we wake up to the terrifying plus sign on the end of a pregnancy test and for the next 18 to 25 years (or sometimes more) our lives are not our own! 

June 26, 1982

Perhaps you are like my husband Gary and me.  We met in college and dated for three years.  When we graduated we found jobs and got married.  We had 3.1 exciting years to do as we pleased. The only limit was that we didn’t have a whole lot of money to really do as we pleased.  We moved from our small 500 square foot apartment, to our first home, learning more about each other along the way.  We had started our careers, he in the mortgage business and me as a medical/dental insurance supervisor.  These were both great vocations but unfortunately they did not provide a lot of extra “discretionary income”.  What little extra we had after paying rent and utilities, buying food and gas, was socked away or used for some unexpected housing expense.  Yes, our first three years were all about the two of us and our dreams to one day travel!

Ryan, 1986

With the arrival of our handsome, first born son, this calm, planned out life suddenly took a 180!  No longer could we sleep in on weekends, sneak off to dinner and a movie or just ride bikes.  No, all these fun adventures that we took for granted now required planning . . . lots of planning!  No more sleeping in with a newborn in the house, or a toddler for that matter!  A day at the beach now involved chairs, umbrellas, ice chests, sunscreen, bottles, baby food, diapers, changes of clothes, pacifiers, blankets, towels, etc!  A simple bike ride now involved attaching a baby seat and wearing helmets!  Dinner and a movie??  If we could even find a babysitter, our cost was doubled. Gone were the impulsive trips for a weekend getaway.  Now if we wanted to sneak out of town, it required great sacrifice and a commitment on the part of our parents!

So we settled into family life.  Fortunately, once figured out, we easily adapted to life with one child.  With a little extra planning we were able to do things as a family of three almost as easily as we had as a couple, but without the romance!  Two years and 10 months later, this idyllic family life that we had settled into was completely disrupted by the arrival of our daughter—our

beautiful, cranky, colicky daughter!  The nice thing about having children close in age is that you haven’t really gotten any freedom back so we were mostly able to just “add one more” to the mix along with a little more planning!

Jenelle, 1988

When our daughter was born, I made the choice to quit my full-time job.  This was a difficult decision as I had always planned to be a successful, career-minded woman. By quitting my job, I cut our household income drastically.  Now I was no longer managing adults but managing a household instead.  I no longer had adult conversation; I was now mediating feuding toddlers.  My days were spent trying to shower before noon, organizing play dates, managing our finances, grocery shopping, making dinners and, oh yeah, run an entire household—all for free!!

Well we soon settled into life as a family of four.  My husband and I had taken some parenting classes and read as much as we could about raising healthy, happy children.  One of the most important suggestions that we incorporated into our lives was maintaining “couple time.”  Many resources encouraged us to make time, such as scheduling date nights, in order to spend time together as a couple.  This was done to remind us why were a couple in the first place.  With teething, potty training, school, homework, etc, this can be easily lost in the mix.

When our youngest was three, we found various teenagers who were more than willing to commit to one night a week, usually Thursdays, to come to our home and play with our kids for 3-4 hours.  With our kids being in bed by 7:30 nightly, this gave the sitter free time for homework or watch television, and they made money while doing so! This went on for several years.  Some months we would go out weekly, some bi-weekly and later on just once a month.  In any case, that time together helped us to remain close and we believe is a big reason why we still enjoy each other’s company to this day!

Greenwich, EN 19

The school years were enhanced by travel as they aged.  We decided early on that we would gift our children with the love and passion of travel.  Traveling enhances the world picture to those who do so.  Teachers were responsible for book learning but we took on the responsibility of opening the horizon to a bigger world for our kids. Their elementary school years were enhanced with trips to London, the Mediterranean, Washington D.C., New York, Virginia; all places the places they were learning about in school.  
Thei

Versailles, FR 2004

Their junior high years and high school years brought more travels to Mexico, the Caribbean and Europe.  Finally, the college years brought us our first taste of freedom. Suddenly jobs, midterms and finals began restricting their time and opening up our time.  We found it easy to get away for an overnight trip to nearby Los Angeles or San Diego.  If we stayed out late with friends, we still usually managed to get home before our kids!  The more freedom we experienced, the more our imagination began to run wild.  Soon we began thinking about cruises, a whole week away from home, travel out of state or should we dare think, out of the country!?!  The closer our nest came to being empty, the bigger our dreams grew!

Then, just as suddenly as with their arrival, the day came when we returned home to an empty, quiet house.  First, it was my daughter’s room that was left with dust bunnies and deep carpet indentations where her antique white bedroom furniture used to sit.  A couple years later, my son’s room was empty and then transformed into a “man cave.”  We were now “Empty Nesters” with no understanding of what that label meant!  We feel blessed that they still live close by and we still share a tight family bond with them.  However, I don’t think all the planning in the world prepares you for life as an Empty Nester!

Carcassone, FR 25th wedding anniversary 2007

All at once it seemed the whole world had opened up!  Where do we go? What do we do? When can we leave? Where do we start and more importantly, HOW do we DO IT???  Our first "just the two of us" escapade was for our 25th wedding anniversary to France!  Suddenly, the world was our oyster!

With this new freedom I was surprised to realized I was suddenly feeling a loss of purpose.  Having been a stay at home mom for all these many years, suddenly I lost my reason for getting up each day! My kids had moved out and there was no one to take care of except my husband, and he was doing quite well without my 24/7 hovering! One day a friend posed the question, "What are you passionate about?"  My immediate answer was, "TRAVEL!" For many years friends have come to me for travel advice.  I am now a "Top Contributor" on TripAdvisor.com with more than 140 postings about our experiences with hotels, activities, restaurants, etc. all over the world. The idea of starting a blog popped into my head and I thought that maybe I would put all my advice on this site.

I began thinking if I could share our experiences with other empty-nesters, it would be so rewarding!  I've always loved to write!  I have a Bachelor of Arts in Liberal Studies which lent itself to a lot of writing!  Having experiences as editor of my children's PTA Newsletter, editor of our church's newsletter and having written extensively in my travel journal for the past 30 years, I thought this would be the perfect outlet for my passion! 

The purpose of this blog is to share some advice, guidelines, suggestions and lessons that we have learned along the way.  It includes hints that we found valuable and ideas for reconnecting once your nest is empty.  It is my hope that this information makes the idea of escaping with your spouse more appealing and slightly less daunting!

Let me know what you think!  I will be adding more and more pages as I can. Advice on how to set up a trip, places to go, things to do, everything I have found helpful in having a perfect Empty Nest Escapade!